Real talk 2013 on Adoption

I have so many mixed thoughts and feelings on adoption right now... we're a few weeks away from "being open" so I think both Andy and I are starting to freak out.  It's kind of like being really close to your due date and realizing this baby is coming whether you're ready or not but it's also not at all like that.  I think that's why I'm struggling; I'm type A and I want to be totally prepared but I can't because I have no idea what's coming. 

Clearly, Andy and I have no problem conceiving biological children (and we make pretty cute ones at that ;) and as I've mentioned earlier we're adopting because God put it on our hearts.  But let me make it clear for how I'm feeling right now...this is way harder than being pregnant and I'm starting to get why women who can't conceive have a longing to be pregnant (I will never fully understand it so please don't think that I am claiming to).  When you're pregnant, especially a few weeks from your due date, almost everywhere you go you have people giving you special attention.  Whether it's at the store with people helping you carry heavy things, at a restaurant getting extra food cause "you're eating for 2" or just out in public with people asking how far along you are, what you're having, etc.  I'd be having baby showers, setting up the bassinet in our room, washing baby clothes and so on.  It's not even like I'm the type of person that likes attention, that's the weird part, but every now and again I want to wear a shirt that says, "I"m having a child soon!!!" then in small lettering at the bottom "via adoption".  I wonder all the time what friends and family members think/talk about to other people or if they talk about it all. It's weird because it's not how things are "normally" done. It's also the silly things like having a spot in your home ready for him/her, and knowing that when you have a child they will be newborn (aka you know their age).

Then there's Myla, our almost 2 year old.  She's a mess when we hold other babies/children.  Last week we watched our 6 month old nephew Malachi for about 24 hours and I'm pretty sure Myla cried for 12 of those hours (the other 12 she was sleeping).  How do you prepare kids at such a young age that a sibling is coming?  With Avery she saw my belly growing and we were constantly talking about the baby inside my belly that was her sister.  The poor thing has no idea what's coming...

We've been told time and time again that the next step is the hardest, I just can't imagine but I trust the social workers and other staff members at our agency.  Because of this we're putting on our big kid panties and moving forward but just wanted to do a quick update on where we're at (well where I'm at) at this point in time.  Emotions/feelings will change, I get that, but right now it's hard.  Happy Monday.

p.s. sorry this is a little real for some of you out there.

Pictures of me trying to hold Myla and feed Chi at the same time...a look into my possible future:(

As you can see they just loved bathing together (oh myla...)

The face of my sweet sweet Chi

Avery LOVES it...she loved "watching" him, helping with him, holding him, etc.  She's super excited about getting a brother or sister "from another lady's belly" despite the fact she might not fully grasp what that means...