Protecting our Kids

One of the many hats we wear as parents is a protective one.  We recently crossed a bridge that I never imagine crossing (in the hypothetical sense of course) and it's had my mind spinning in circles since it happened.  I'm not working through being a helicopter parent (because for the record, if you're one, I think you're annoying, and I mean that in love) I'm talking about the difficult decisions around bio families and "other" bio families.

This has become super difficult for my two bio kiddos since taking in a foster to adopt child.  There are times that Olaf will randomly start talking about various memories (very very difficult memories) and we panic...we want her to know it's safe to talk about them but we don't want our bio kids to be exposed to such awful memories.

We've also been "protecting" them from bio Mom...they know about her (obviously because we talk about her a lot with Olaf) but we weren't sure we were comfortable with them meeting her.  Recently though, the time came where it was unavoidable.  I panicked a little before hand, a little during, and a lot after but then I came to a beautiful conclusion.  I don't think we're protecting them from anything by not having them meet bio Mom.  She's a part of Olaf's story.  She's a woman who has had a really hard life, made some good decisions, made some bad decisions, but is doing the best that she knows how at cleaning up her life.  She's part of Olaf's family, end of story.

What a cool thing that my bio kids get to experience this!  It goes with this over-arching theme of teaching them to love the unlovable.  We love Olaf's other Mommy because she gave birth and cared for Olaf for a few years.  We love her because society shuns her.  We love her because, even though I it's difficult to watch, she's doing her best with the cards she's been dealt.

I don't know how this whole thing is going to turn out.  I definitely never pictured myself here, a few days before a very significant trial in the case happens, thinking about the affect that Olaf's bio Mom has on my bio kids.  Foster care/adoption is a hard, scary, sticky, unknown process, but it is so beautiful.  Chalk this up to yet another thing I wasn't prepared for as a entered this journey:)

Welcome, bio Mom, to our broken, crazy, imperfect family, you fit right in.