An unfortunate experience...

Let me just pre-warn everyone that this post is not for those of you that like all the fluff, flowers and happy faces on this blog, it's real, and it's hard and it's what we're going through so stop reading now if you're not interested:)

Last Thursday we had an appointment with our adoption agency to go through the "child availables".  My mom came over to watch the girls while Andy and I anxiously drove all the way to Modesto for this experience.  We didn't really talk about any expectations that we had, but in hindsight we were both expecting to look at all the kiddos and walk away with some options of future Koning kids.  We thought the hardest part was going to be saying no to all of the kids that needed loving homes because we would want to take them all home, we were wrong, way wrong.

As we started opening the different folders of various counties reality hit us.  In the system (in our experience, in CA) there are mainly older kids and large sibling sets (sets of 4-6 children ages 6 years and up).  Each page had a picture of the child at the top with some of their interests and then their "story" below.  This included why they were taken away from their parents and the horrible situations that they were in.  At first we were reading about each and every kid.  The social worker had told us despite the fact they might not be within our set "parameters" we might fall in love with a child because of their picture or story so we were trying to be open.  After about the 4th child, Andy and I felt physically ill and had to stop.  We then only looked at details of children that fit our parameters and even then, it was too much for us.

After an hour of this we walked out of the room defeated.  The social worker asked if we had found any children we were interested in and I broke down.  For those that know me personally, you know I cry a lot so if we're honest this isn't the biggest surprise of my life but the situation seemed so hopeless.  Not necessarily for me and my family and our future family, but for these poor kids who have been through Hell and are just waiting for someone to love them.  After a super awkward 15 minutes with the social worker and the 2 receptionists I pulled it together and we left.  We had a really hard time putting a finger on why we were so upset and feeling depressed.  Looking back, we think it was just a really rude awakening of the evil in the world.  We're so sheltered here in San Ramon and can be so focused on things like choosing the perfect new paint color for our master bedroom that we easily forget there are people, children specifically in horrific situations.  It almost instills a bigger fire underneath me to adopt because there are so many people out there that need help.

Both of us felt like we walked away empty.  We were expecting to have interest in at least a few children but walked away without any options on top of being upset about all of the things we read.  Despite this, a good friend had texted me asking how it went, when I told her how awful it was, her response was a beautiful reminder.  She said "Praise God for clarity.  Your baby is out there, and you have a powerful God orchestrating the whole thing."  Amen sister, we believe this and trust in this (even though it's sometimes hard to remember during the discouraging times:).  We went home, squeezed our girls, and took a 2.5 hour nap, it felt good.  We hope to not have to go through this again. Our social worker is on vacation until the end of October but we do have someone else looking for our child/children.  All we can do at this point is pray for safety for our child and patience for us.  People weren't kidding...this really is the hardest part.

Where We're at Today...

First off we just want to say thank you thank you thank you for the love and support everyone has shown us since the last blog post.  Being open/honest in this type of forum is scary but we wanted to do it for those before us and those that will come after us.  So many people were able to relate to where we are at which only makes the process easier for all of us involved.  Knowing other people have gone through/are going through similar things helps, so thank you for the kind words.

As of last Friday (9/20/13) we are officially "open" and our child search has begun!!! (round of applause, happy face happy face, insert exclamation here).  We couldn't be more excited to start this part.  We have an appointment Thursday at 1000 to go look at the "child availables"...everything we've been dreading so feel free to pray for us.  Pray for wisdom and pray that we won't say we're interested in every single one;)

Not much else in the land of the living at the Koning household has been happening, I'll post pictures that we've taken over the last few weeks so you can see the "goings on".

Aves had her first day of pre-k...she's the cutest in her class;)

it means myla gets some alone time

this is how she feels about it:)

We hang out a lot with friends...Myla is in love with her friend Finn:)

One day I came home to these two dressed as they are...one homeless looking and the other in her princess dress.  We decided to fly a kite (thank you team lynch!) and it was sooooo fun!

oh wait there's avery in her usual state, mad that it's not "her turn"

Daddy teaching myna

daddy teaching aves

aves doing it on her own:)

Despite the fact that Aves' eyes are closed this was a phenomenal day/time with Megan Voos.  She was one of my youth group leaders growing up and my small group leader my senior year of high school.  She's awesome and helped to lay the foundation for my spiritual life.  Her super great sister in law Michelle (if you ever meet her, talk to her, she's a medic and has a very cool life story) came with her 1 year old son too, it was a fabulous time of being open and talking about life.

Aves is still doing swim lessons every Tuesday/Thursday and she is getting really good, she was even bumped up to a higher level!  She's doing back stroke and free style (taking after you auntie cake!)

Our friend brian...showing Myla's favorite place to be right now.  She not only loves being with him, but specifically, on his shoulders:)

We love babies!!!  We got to watch our nephew Franco for a couple of hours which was soooooo fun! He helped us make cookies and entertained us.

This past weekend we decided to do a sewing project...can't wait to teach this girl her way around the machine!

Myla was more into my glasses...

This was our face when we found out we were "open":)

Avery's face...

Myla is still not sure...

My matching babies:)

our sewing project...capes!  They both got to pick out their own fabric, myla chose elmo and avery chose princesses (duh:)

They turned out very fun!  Myla has worn hers all day today, to Costco, Target, etc.  

Ta ta for now, more updates to come shortly.