An unfortunate experience...

Let me just pre-warn everyone that this post is not for those of you that like all the fluff, flowers and happy faces on this blog, it's real, and it's hard and it's what we're going through so stop reading now if you're not interested:)

Last Thursday we had an appointment with our adoption agency to go through the "child availables".  My mom came over to watch the girls while Andy and I anxiously drove all the way to Modesto for this experience.  We didn't really talk about any expectations that we had, but in hindsight we were both expecting to look at all the kiddos and walk away with some options of future Koning kids.  We thought the hardest part was going to be saying no to all of the kids that needed loving homes because we would want to take them all home, we were wrong, way wrong.

As we started opening the different folders of various counties reality hit us.  In the system (in our experience, in CA) there are mainly older kids and large sibling sets (sets of 4-6 children ages 6 years and up).  Each page had a picture of the child at the top with some of their interests and then their "story" below.  This included why they were taken away from their parents and the horrible situations that they were in.  At first we were reading about each and every kid.  The social worker had told us despite the fact they might not be within our set "parameters" we might fall in love with a child because of their picture or story so we were trying to be open.  After about the 4th child, Andy and I felt physically ill and had to stop.  We then only looked at details of children that fit our parameters and even then, it was too much for us.

After an hour of this we walked out of the room defeated.  The social worker asked if we had found any children we were interested in and I broke down.  For those that know me personally, you know I cry a lot so if we're honest this isn't the biggest surprise of my life but the situation seemed so hopeless.  Not necessarily for me and my family and our future family, but for these poor kids who have been through Hell and are just waiting for someone to love them.  After a super awkward 15 minutes with the social worker and the 2 receptionists I pulled it together and we left.  We had a really hard time putting a finger on why we were so upset and feeling depressed.  Looking back, we think it was just a really rude awakening of the evil in the world.  We're so sheltered here in San Ramon and can be so focused on things like choosing the perfect new paint color for our master bedroom that we easily forget there are people, children specifically in horrific situations.  It almost instills a bigger fire underneath me to adopt because there are so many people out there that need help.

Both of us felt like we walked away empty.  We were expecting to have interest in at least a few children but walked away without any options on top of being upset about all of the things we read.  Despite this, a good friend had texted me asking how it went, when I told her how awful it was, her response was a beautiful reminder.  She said "Praise God for clarity.  Your baby is out there, and you have a powerful God orchestrating the whole thing."  Amen sister, we believe this and trust in this (even though it's sometimes hard to remember during the discouraging times:).  We went home, squeezed our girls, and took a 2.5 hour nap, it felt good.  We hope to not have to go through this again. Our social worker is on vacation until the end of October but we do have someone else looking for our child/children.  All we can do at this point is pray for safety for our child and patience for us.  People weren't kidding...this really is the hardest part.

Where We're at Today...

First off we just want to say thank you thank you thank you for the love and support everyone has shown us since the last blog post.  Being open/honest in this type of forum is scary but we wanted to do it for those before us and those that will come after us.  So many people were able to relate to where we are at which only makes the process easier for all of us involved.  Knowing other people have gone through/are going through similar things helps, so thank you for the kind words.

As of last Friday (9/20/13) we are officially "open" and our child search has begun!!! (round of applause, happy face happy face, insert exclamation here).  We couldn't be more excited to start this part.  We have an appointment Thursday at 1000 to go look at the "child availables"...everything we've been dreading so feel free to pray for us.  Pray for wisdom and pray that we won't say we're interested in every single one;)

Not much else in the land of the living at the Koning household has been happening, I'll post pictures that we've taken over the last few weeks so you can see the "goings on".

Aves had her first day of pre-k...she's the cutest in her class;)

it means myla gets some alone time

this is how she feels about it:)

We hang out a lot with friends...Myla is in love with her friend Finn:)

One day I came home to these two dressed as they are...one homeless looking and the other in her princess dress.  We decided to fly a kite (thank you team lynch!) and it was sooooo fun!

oh wait there's avery in her usual state, mad that it's not "her turn"

Daddy teaching myna

daddy teaching aves

aves doing it on her own:)

Despite the fact that Aves' eyes are closed this was a phenomenal day/time with Megan Voos.  She was one of my youth group leaders growing up and my small group leader my senior year of high school.  She's awesome and helped to lay the foundation for my spiritual life.  Her super great sister in law Michelle (if you ever meet her, talk to her, she's a medic and has a very cool life story) came with her 1 year old son too, it was a fabulous time of being open and talking about life.

Aves is still doing swim lessons every Tuesday/Thursday and she is getting really good, she was even bumped up to a higher level!  She's doing back stroke and free style (taking after you auntie cake!)

Our friend brian...showing Myla's favorite place to be right now.  She not only loves being with him, but specifically, on his shoulders:)

We love babies!!!  We got to watch our nephew Franco for a couple of hours which was soooooo fun! He helped us make cookies and entertained us.

This past weekend we decided to do a sewing project...can't wait to teach this girl her way around the machine!

Myla was more into my glasses...

This was our face when we found out we were "open":)

Avery's face...

Myla is still not sure...

My matching babies:)

our sewing project...capes!  They both got to pick out their own fabric, myla chose elmo and avery chose princesses (duh:)

They turned out very fun!  Myla has worn hers all day today, to Costco, Target, etc.  

Ta ta for now, more updates to come shortly.

Real talk 2013 on Adoption

I have so many mixed thoughts and feelings on adoption right now... we're a few weeks away from "being open" so I think both Andy and I are starting to freak out.  It's kind of like being really close to your due date and realizing this baby is coming whether you're ready or not but it's also not at all like that.  I think that's why I'm struggling; I'm type A and I want to be totally prepared but I can't because I have no idea what's coming. 

Clearly, Andy and I have no problem conceiving biological children (and we make pretty cute ones at that ;) and as I've mentioned earlier we're adopting because God put it on our hearts.  But let me make it clear for how I'm feeling right now...this is way harder than being pregnant and I'm starting to get why women who can't conceive have a longing to be pregnant (I will never fully understand it so please don't think that I am claiming to).  When you're pregnant, especially a few weeks from your due date, almost everywhere you go you have people giving you special attention.  Whether it's at the store with people helping you carry heavy things, at a restaurant getting extra food cause "you're eating for 2" or just out in public with people asking how far along you are, what you're having, etc.  I'd be having baby showers, setting up the bassinet in our room, washing baby clothes and so on.  It's not even like I'm the type of person that likes attention, that's the weird part, but every now and again I want to wear a shirt that says, "I"m having a child soon!!!" then in small lettering at the bottom "via adoption".  I wonder all the time what friends and family members think/talk about to other people or if they talk about it all. It's weird because it's not how things are "normally" done. It's also the silly things like having a spot in your home ready for him/her, and knowing that when you have a child they will be newborn (aka you know their age).

Then there's Myla, our almost 2 year old.  She's a mess when we hold other babies/children.  Last week we watched our 6 month old nephew Malachi for about 24 hours and I'm pretty sure Myla cried for 12 of those hours (the other 12 she was sleeping).  How do you prepare kids at such a young age that a sibling is coming?  With Avery she saw my belly growing and we were constantly talking about the baby inside my belly that was her sister.  The poor thing has no idea what's coming...

We've been told time and time again that the next step is the hardest, I just can't imagine but I trust the social workers and other staff members at our agency.  Because of this we're putting on our big kid panties and moving forward but just wanted to do a quick update on where we're at (well where I'm at) at this point in time.  Emotions/feelings will change, I get that, but right now it's hard.  Happy Monday.

p.s. sorry this is a little real for some of you out there.

Pictures of me trying to hold Myla and feed Chi at the same time...a look into my possible future:(

As you can see they just loved bathing together (oh myla...)

The face of my sweet sweet Chi

Avery LOVES it...she loved "watching" him, helping with him, holding him, etc.  She's super excited about getting a brother or sister "from another lady's belly" despite the fact she might not fully grasp what that means...

A new Koning tradition...

With both of us working fulltime, having a house, and a puppy we don't get a ton of time as a family.  We make it work and we love our lives and we try to make the best of our time together (doing things like grocery shopping and laundry cause when else would you do them?;)  But the last couple of Saturdays I have been lucky enough to have off we've started a new tradition of riding our bikes to Starbucks and having breakfast/coffee there.  We bring the dog too to get her socialized, it's fantastic!  We need to do more of these things in life, it's easy to always get caught up in the busyness of life.

The journey there...Andy has is pulling Avery and has the dog, I have Myla on a little seat in front of me on my bike:)

Blurry Piper...she never stops moving:)

Avery's not as mad as she looks here, she just hadn't swallowed her hot chocolate yet...

Millie gets chocolate milk which she drinks in about 2.2 seconds.

Piper getting socialized:)

Black Butte

Andy grew up vacationing to Black Butte, Oregon.  He likens it to Sunriver, OR for those that have heard of one and not the other (Sunriver being where the Californians go, BB where the Oregonians go).  I was expecting something along the lines of a "Dirty Dancing" type feel where you hang out, relax, and get waited on all the time; the most important part being the talent show at the end of the week where I could show off my mad dancing skills.  It wasn't quite like that (unfortunately no talent show) but it was a really great week with family and a lot of time relaxing and having fun as a family.  We were sad not to see all of our Oregon family (miss you Aunt Julie, Uncle Don, Courtney, Caitlin, and Uncle Rick) but we really enjoyed  being with everyone else.  One of the best nights was being able to stay up late hearing Nana and Papa re-tell childhood stories (Papa used to ride a horse to school AND didn't have electricity!!!)  Thanks to everyone that made the week so fun!

Let's admit...the drive (both ways) was real rough...2 young kiddos in the car, a mom and dad that just want to get there ("we're only stopping once kids!!!") and a 9.5 hour drive:)  This was our first stop in weed on our way there, very interesting place.  Their motto: a friend in weed is a friend indeed, stop and enjoy some legal weed!"  weird...

Myla and her gorgeous eyes...

Andy and I have taken up running in the last couple months, I'm running further now than I've ever run in my entire life.  Running in Black Butte was awesome...despite the fact that it was high altitude and there were hills there were moments like this one where worship music came on, a deer was looking at me, and I was running in God's glorious creation.

Beer tasting in Sister's with Martha, Casey, and Ally (found my new favorite beer EVER called knotty blonde:)

Us ladies had a striped day...(not even totally on purpose!)

We went to the pool every single day, the first day Myla cried, by the 4th she was putting her face in!

Avery loved every second.

Lunch pool side

Followed by some chocolate self serve.

We know it's cheesy but we love eachother...

There's Andy's face:)

The cousins had a striped day too!

Family bikeride to Dadd's favorite place growing up.

Avery LOVED skipping across the stream

beautiful scenery while biking

Out in the meadow

Another pool day

Our last lunch poolside:(

The last night Aunt Kris treated us to dinner at the Lodge (or some eatery in Black Butte) and it was delicious!

There are more pictures but being the losers that we are we forgot our real camera (these are all i-phone photos) so we had to use other people's...good news is that our camera was the only thing we forgot!  Can't wait to go back to Black Butte!

Birthdays are all year round!

We just headed up to angel's camp over the weekend to celebrate my Grandma Bea's 90th birthday.  It took a lot to get us there BUT we made it and we're so glad we did.  Grandma had a great time and all the cousins loved being together.  Here are some photos!

We had a lot of fun with Aves exploring the creek that runs through my Aunt and Uncle's property while Millie slept:)

It's always nice to get time with one kiddo alone and be silly!

Avery wanted to take a "selfie"

Avery insisted on taking our picture, she was quite bossy about our pose (image that:)

2 of the most important men in my life, love them!

Think they're related??? (Charles Avery Pratt III and Charles Avery Pratt IV)

Myla eating all of Auntie Kaitlin's apple:)

Some of the great Grandkids singing to Grandma, look how happy she is!

Kaitlin, Cori (not in the picture) and I drove to Winnemucca 10 years ago for Grandma's 80th birthday party before going on an epic roadtrip to Montana.  Then, we were friends, now we're sisters, it's pretty great.

NEVER leave your kid alone with Nana and Uncle when they have cake...this is what guilt looks like on adults:)

Trying to get a good shot of Grandma Bea and Myla Bea (Myla is just too scared of the oxygen line...)

The problem with events like these...kiddos don't sleep well and the repercussions last for days...here they are grumpy as can be the day after the party...it was still worth it though:)